Monthly Archives: September 2014

Why you should read and watch the Giver

What if the world we lived in contained no pain? No danger?

At the age of 14, I had always though how lucky it would be to feel no pain, to be able to live without getting hurt. But I realized boy was I wrong. How would I be able to feel the beauty life has to offer without experiencing pain? It truly is impossible. As a child I had heard of a axiom that went like this: The ugly fish is what makes the river truly beautiful.

And I was like :WTH? How can something ugly or imperfect make something else so delicate and perfect. To me it was like impossible. But now I realize that these past few years have changed me. I realized that to enjoy life, you also need to conquer hardships. To see the beauty in things and truly appreciate them, then you would have had to gone through the dark times to really see things.

My favourite book the Giver clearly elicits that. After reading the book in Gr.7 I was captivated by these new ideas of how these people who lived in a dull society that could feel nothing. They didn’t feel the pain, the war, or hurt that we felt, but they didn’t get to feel the happiness, the love, the joy that we felt either. It’s a deal package, you either take both or you don’t get anything at all. And life’s built that way, you can’t enjoy something without going through some hell in getting it. You might think you enjoy it, but until you’ve actually worked for it then that’s when you truly enjoy it. Today after watching the movie, I was completely dumbfounded. I actually got to see Jonas, (the main character,) receive memories from the past( our time.) And it was so heartachingly beautiful that I just started to cry. Cry because sometimes I forget to see all the beauty in life past the hurt, or cry for the fight for truth, the truth that I would rather go through all the pain to get a taste of something so sweet that I take for granted everyday. This movie brought back all the memories of my past, and all the times that I felt pain, or the times that I first truly witnessed something amazing, breathtaking, and so much more. The movie taught me that knowledge and feeling are two opposite things. The power of feeling is so strong, just think of empathy, how much that would do for the world. The power of emotion is incredible, and watching it ripple through the movie just brought chills to my back.


The Dream of becoming a Doctor

When I think about the stereotype of how great the life of being a doctor is, I sometimes admit that I get caught up into it too. Sometimes I’m scared to say that I want to become a doctor, I hesitate before blurbing it out, but the reality is, that I’m scared because I know that some people think that others want to be doctors for money.

The thing is, I know deep down that money is important to survive and help others to make an impact which is what I want to do. But what I realized is that even though that is the case, I don’t need a lot of money if I become a doctor. Because all the joy will be way more precious than all the money. It’s difficult to say that sometimes because right now I have a smartphone and a laptop that I worked for, but it’s hard to give up material possessions sometimes. But I know my ultimate goal is to really change someone’s life forever. I know the climb up to the top is so difficult. It takes determination, and so much self discipline to get through all the tough obstacles from me graduating high school to saving someone’s life.

The only thing that motivates and drives me everyday is to imagine the day when I’ll hold the hand of the person that I saved, and I’ll realize that no matter how much debt I’m in, or how much sleepless nights I spent studying that it was all worth it. Because after that killing climb, you can finally let the sun kiss your stained cheeks, and slip of that hairband and shake out your hair like your dancing on sunshine. When the breeze hits your face, it’s a relief. It’s a relief that you’ve finally achieved what you wanted to, and that your whole life was kind of like a sacrifice. A sacrifice of all your time, but also to pass on a legacy. Maybe a legacy that they will forget, but you’ll remember. Since you helped that person live through another day, or longer, and they’ll go carry that victory home.

I’m not doing this for myself, I’m doing this for others. It’s the only thing I can do from taking so much from the world, but never really giving back. I use technology, I had three surgeries that saved my life three times, take medication that protects me, I wear clothes that are designed by people… and all these things just remind me of how much I take, and compared to how hard I try to give back, I still fall short. This is what my calling is, and I think I do need to fulfill it. At times I might think I can’t but actually it’s I won’t. I can’t not do something, because I can, it’s just I might not want to do it or won’t do it, but I can. If I believe, I can break barriers, and let my wings allow me to soar.

Why YOU have a story to tell

I’ll give you reasons why!

I had always thought that my life was monotonous. There instead of putting boring boring, I put something new. I didn’t pear deeper beyond the water, I keep skimming the surface of my life. I thought that my stories weren’t worth telling and that truth be told, no one would take the time to listen or care because it’s not juicy or incredible.

However, I realized by taking the time to plunge into the water, moments that meant something extremely important to me and others began to resurface out of the water. Like effervescent bubbles giggling to escape from where they have been held captive for so long. And I realized why if I had a story, everyone has stories. Everyone single one of you has a story to tell. And in that story of yours, you have experiences that no one else has experiences.

“Whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.”

Because you feel different, you see differently, you sense things differently then everyone else on this planet. Your whole life up until this moment has somewhat defined you, and prepared you for obstacles or greater things, and that is why you as the raconteur need to share us your story so we can learn from you. We all need to learn things from others, because you are the best at being you. You can’t teach anyone to be like you, but hell you can open eyes. You can pry open the heart, and pour in emotion. By telling your story, heck yeah, you can even change the world!

Why I write, but why do you?

“Writing serves different purposes for everyone. Some people write to make something ugly beautiful, some write to leave a part of themselves to be remembered, some write to give words soul and meaning, and some write to exist in non-existence.”-Sam Madison

I find this truly amazing, because I write so much that I did not seek deeper to really question myself and others the important question of why we write.

Many of us might obviously write because we have to, build vocabulary, or even become healthier!

But I thought about existing in non-existence and that is something breathtaking. As a avid reader, I constantly find myself exploring many different worlds than the actual one I’m living. But what I failed to see was that as a writer myself, I also constantly shift worlds. I truly exist in non existence. Even though that is an amazing reason to be a writer, where obviously book writers, or story writers often claim this is their reason. As a teenager, I started to write because I wanted to create something, make it my own, but also change things that were ugly into things that are beautiful. Honestly, I try to take my experiences, turn it into something, and hope by doing that inspire others to feel beautiful.

I’m seriously lack confidence, but when I write, I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid for people to read my blog, scrutinize everything and judge me. Writing has helped me grow enormously, and enjoy my life. I lack confidence because I think I’m not good enough. I don’t ever think I’m doing enough and I try to really gain confidence, but heck it’s hard. I often don’t find myself beautiful too, so that’s another reason that I write. To beautify the ugly in life, or more specifically the ugly in my life.

I write here because I care. I care about you, my passionate reader. A person who took about 5minutes or more to read this  because that’s time you’ll never give back, and instead you gave it to me. Just knowing that, makes my heart churn. I write for myself but also for you. I hope you find inspiration and love in my words. Because one thing that I learned that sure actions do speak louder than words, but boy are words powerful. They can change everything you believe in, they can make you doubt, they can hurt you and break you, but they also can empower you.

That’s what I want to do. I want to empower people who hurt, people who don’t love themselves because they think they’re not beautiful. Let me tell you that you are. No matter what kind of imperfect mess you think yourself as, just know you cannot and will not let others impressions of you change your life, just like they did for me. At one point of life, you’re going to get hurt but don’t ever take things personally from people you do not love. Do not ever hurt yourself like that, don’t ever hurt yourself by repeating the things that kick you in the stomach the most. Sometimes I do that, I read those messages that my friend who cyber bullied me sent, or I chant and laugh bitterly at the nicknames I were given. It’s cruel. Don’t do that ever. Instead, I recommend you write.

Writing is a medium of where you can let your stories unravel. Everyone has a story, a different gorgeous story that is just waiting to be told. So what are you waiting for? Go tell your story, your audience is waiting.

5 Things I know too well about cancer

I like writing 10 things… so I’m going to write another blog post in that format except with only five. Yesterday was September 14th, 2014 and also the day of my neighbourhood’s annual Terry Fox Run. You see because Terry Fox ran for me in 1980, I also want his legacy to last, so I ran for my grandpa. During the times that my lungs were dying and I literally couldn’t breathe, I remembered the time I was in the hospital after my lungs collapsed and I was trying so hard to fight to live. I remember it all too clear, but what made me pound my chest right where the sticker of who I was running for, I remembered my grandpa who passed away. He had stomach cancer for 7 years! I can’t believe it. I still remember when I was almost 8 years old, when he had to leave Canada to go and have surgery. And right now, sometimes I dread his loss. He must have gone through so much more than what I went through in the hospital. So when I couldn’t breathe, I pounded my chest where I got surgery and pushed on. I wasn’t doing this for me, I had to keep going on because it was for him.

5. It sucks. That’s all I really need to say. As the years add on, I can’t believe the number of people I know that are affected by cancer quickly increase. It’s depressing, and most of all it sucks.

4. It’s unfair. Like what the heck is going on? She was all fine and then boom you hit again. You can’t just disappear in someone’s life and come back without any announcement whatsoever. It isn’t fair, how someone so kind like you, who’s lived such a crappy life deserves something so much better, but somehow you fell into the fate of cancer.

3. It hurts. I heard firsthand of what my grandpa had to go through. I went through something like it but honestly I was only in the hospital for a month and I recovered. But for so many people they stay and never come out. They might never get to eat the things they like as the case for my grandpa, or they may never get to walk, or they might not be able to move. All these things hurt. They hurt not only physically, but emotionally. I don’t know what’s worse emotional or physical pain, they’re both terrible things when mixed together in a concoction together.

2. It affects. It affects the victim, it affects the family, the friends, the community. It affects in a bad way it really does, but sometimes it may just create a lasting legacy for others to look up to you as a role model for the strength that radiates off cancer survivors and non- survivors as well.

1. It takes. It takes the aura of that person you love. It takes and takes and leaves almost nothing behind. It takes my heart, it really does, because when the person you love dies, cancer was the one who took them away. It doesn’t stop taking, and it’s so hard to get over the loss. One day they were there, and when the years pass by, you can’t believe how you were able to live on without them.

10 Romantic Dates I’d Swoon Over

Hey guys, this is the first time I’m trying my take on something that’s not necessarily considered inspiring. It’s more of one of those things that people click on because there curious, plain bored, or just happened to glance over when scrolling through their newsfeed.

I have to admit, I’m a romantic type of girl, who reads her daily dose of romantic/chick lit novels (summer time,) and places herself in the shoes of the main character. The main character who gets sprinkled with enormous amounts of super romantic moments that I’m just like I wish that happened in real life.

Okay so you probably want me to get to the point, but these ten things are like the best concoctions of things that I’ve read about or watched on romantic movies. Welllll most of these things take place in the beautiful city of Vancouver but you get the point.

10. Biking along the sea wall of Stanley Park to the heart of Downtown Vancouver, we’ll be laughing and reminiscing over our childhood moments and stopping to take off our shoes at the beach to take those quote and instagram worthy pictures. Then we’ll race around the seawall into False Creek and Granville Island. Maybe hop off and stop for some gelato, and giggle over smears of ice cream on our faces, then we might get back on our way. Maybe after some time, we’ll get tired, and just stop at a nearby cafe again and talk about our future, who we are and who we think we’ll be.

9. Baking in the kitchen together randomly. No preparations but just digging right into whatever it is I’m craving that day. We’ll be tuning into Songza, and turning on the happy pop and dancing ourselves around the kitchen while fluffs of flour bounce through the air. We’ll be laughing and cracking jokes, and things will get messy. But I mean life’s all a big mess, but yet I’m with you, so things will be fine. You’re here, and that’s all I need because we’ll be there together to clean up the big mess. You might throw some flour on my favourite teacher and I might just crack an egg on your head and make you clean it up even though it was my fault. Then we’ll hungrily eat up our masterpieces and giggle about our most embarrassing moments.

8. Maybe you’ll call me up and say, ” Hey are you busy tonight?” And I’ll surprisingly say,” No I’m actually not,” and you’ll pick me up in your car, and we’ll ride off into the sunset. Once we’ve arrived, I’ll finally realize where I am. And then I would have realized you took me to an outdoor movie. We’ll cuddle because even though it was hot, it will soon be cold. And we’ll get free popcorn and find a good spot. And just watch the movie that we might just to be too old to watch but at least I have you beside me to watch it with together. Then you’ll piggy back me back to the car, and kiss me good night, and I’ll conclude that was a good date.

7. When the weathers good, and the suns out but there’s zephyrs drifting through the air, we’ll go climb Grouse Mountain. We’ll wake up early in the morning and eat a good breakfast. Then I’ll meet you up at the skytrain, and we’ll just talk and talk and talk until we finally get to the base. Then I’ll giggle and say, sure I exercise a lot but I’m not an athletic girl. But you’ll be nice and say it’s fine. We stretch and crank up our tunes, and it’s time to hit hell on stairs. We’ll be drenched in sweat, our lungs burnings, and maybe you’ll be slowing down your pace just for me. I think I’m dying but yet I like it because it reminds me of life. Even when you think you’re in so much pain, you keep going. It’s what you and I do. When life hurts you, you get right back up again, and keep going until you’ve reached your goal or our case the top. We’ll rest for a bit and get a smoothie. And then climb up to the really top. We’ll romantically look into each other’s eyes and know that there’s no one else I’d rather be with right now. In front of us, the whole of Vancouver looks back at me. I see the 360 restaurant, and I can even see my house in Surrey! There’s Canada Place, and so much more. Then we’ll go down the gondala, and you’ll tell me about your aspirations and regrets. Then we’ll eat dinner on the mountain, watching the sun go down.

6. Maybe if we’re lucky the meteor shower might be on again this year. And you’ll take my hand as we climb up to the highest hill on Burnaby Mountain where I grew up. It will be the wakes of the early morning, and I’ll be so sleepy but your corny jokes will keep me up. I’ll see people lighting up these lanterns that can fly away, and you’ll be able to hunt one down for me so I can light one away too. Then I’ll place my head on your shoulder and you’ll tell me deep stuff and things you haven’t told anyone before. We’ll pour out all our secrets, and hope that the sky full of stars will give us new hopes and wishes. When the shower beings, we’ll point and gasp and be all excited, because this only happens once in a lifetime, yet I’m here with and no one else.

5. After work someday, you’ll take me on a hike through hills and forests and surprise me with some kind of picnic basket you made. We’ll eat our dinner, and talk about our family, and then we’ll lie down pointing at the stars. Our heads will touch and the warmth of your body will radiate and keep me safe. We’re just a pair of star-crossed lovers they’ll say.

4. If I’m lucky, I might get to go Hawaii. We’ll hold our hands together as we swing around the beach. And you’ll place these beautiful seashells in my hand, and we’ll make sand castles together. We’ll chase each other, splash each other, and you’ll throw me in the water and I’ll pretend to drown, then I’ll pull you in too! If we’re super duper lucky, we’ll see two dolphins that will let us ride them, and bring us into the sunset.

3. We’ll go jogging at night one day, when night’s coming near. And people start to trickle out, and while the sweats pouring down and we smell so stinky, we’ll walk to the playground where the swings are. We’ll laugh like little kids that have flown for the first time. And we’ll pump our legs higher and higher until we touch the sky. We don’t have to talk, we just need to listen, because the crickets tell our song, the silence is ours.

2. We’ll drive to Whistler to ski together maybe you might snowboard, but when we’re done and our backs rolling with sweat, we’ll zip line down Blackcomb and be exhilarated. And when that’s all done, and it’s night time, and all the couples are skating somewhere, we’ll join them and pretend to be like Tessa and Scott at the Winter Olympics. Even though I want to be one of those girls who can’t skate and hold onto you dearly, I’m not. So I’ll be zipping around the rink and you’ll have to chase me!

1.One day, we’ll go to drink tea with our desserts, and you’ll tell me about your faith and how much it’s impacted you. And we’ll just talk and talk about all these things, and how we want to change the world, and how we want to be better people<3 with each other.


The Norm vs. Keeping Things Personal

With current technology speeding up with each passing day, it isn’t surprising that individuals find themselves with dangers of being hacked for important information or personal information. Social media sites are growing exponentially with popularity and it isn’t rare that more than once that I’ve gotten more than my fair share of information about people that I just didn’t want to know about!

Just with a click of a button, people can choose to upload pictures that they may regret on posting later. Or perhaps ranting online from something a loved one did to you. Many personal things appear online, but why? With the rapid speed of being connected all the time, it seems like the norm when others post things about their own lives. We seem to have an obligation to fit in and post things to keep up with the social trend. But is this the correct mindset?

I feel that in recent society today, that too many things are shared with people that we don’t care about. And too many people know things about me that I didn’t really intend to share with them in the first place. In my mind now after regretting posting personal events in my life, I feel privacy equals intimacy.
When I share something that is extremely personal with someone else, I hope that the other person understands that I just gave a token of trust to them. When my friend, Kylie, opened up to me about her mother’s chronic illness, when I hadn’t known her for too long, it really tugged my heartstrings. I felt a real connection, a worthy relationship that was built on the foundation of trust. She didn’t post that on Facebook and very few people could have found it from her happy countenance, and her joyful aura.

If people begin to learn that certain things should be kept private and only shared with the right people, then more meaningful relationships would be built. Instead of having 1000 friends on Facebook that really don’t care about the things that pop up on one’s timeline, one has true friends that really know when to keep the personal things out of the public’s eyes.

Personally, I regret sharing things that are personal to me. When I had two lung collapses and needed to undergo a VATs lung surgery, I posted a long paragraph about how life was fragile on my wall. The next thing I knew was that all 900 of my so called friends began to like and ask how I was. I felt touched and loved, but that soon began to fade away. If they really were my friends, what would a like do? It would have been better to keep things quiet, and find out if my friends would actually visit me at the hospital or catch me up on homework. As of now, I don’t even know if the few friends who did visit me or asked how I was, really cared about me, or saw my Facebook post.

Keeping my privacy has taught me that real connections can be formed if the right people knock on my heart and I let them in.