Monthly Archives: September 2015

Facing Reality

Tackling challenges head on can be tough sometimes, and reality that you don’t want to be reality, can be so difficult to deal with.

I think one of the most beautiful things in this world is the resilience that I see all around me. I love that how despite everything: all the pain and suffering that there are these people I know and strangers around me that continue to fight, to strive, to reach. i don’t know if that’s not beauty then what is? I used to constantly be afraid of pain, especially physical pain. I was scared of the pain of getting hurt both physically and emotionally. I read numerous stories and historical documents then watched countless videos and documentaries, which all  descriptively accounted these horrific injustices that were enacted on humans. Humans like me, with the same flesh and bones that hold up one single body. The same emotions of pain, fear, and desperation. But I couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to ever starve to death, die painfully, or cope with the struggles that millions hav gone through.

However, if it’s one thing that I realized is that we have strength. This amazing beautiful thing that has so much untapped potential. Personally I can’t do it alone because God is always there for me and He is what gives me strength to tap into my own courage. But all humans have this noteworthy strength that can get them through the toughest challenges, and the painfullest of times. It all comes down to the mindset and the strength of the mind. Facing reality is hard but it needs to be done. When I had to undergo rapid procedures last year, it was very painful! Even under painkillers, it hurt a lot. I felt the numbed down version of what it was like to have a thin knife split my chest open but I got through it. If you asked me a couple years back if I could live through that I would have said no. I would have said I couldn’t stand the pain, but look at me now, I’m through it and I’m alive.

I am always scared of things but I truly believe when the time comes and hard to bear things come at me, I know I can get through it. Because at that time there is nothing to do but fight. There is not point in crying ( but it does make me feel better), but just to take a deep breath and face it head on.

Whatever you’re facing right now, you can get through it. “Just look within yourself and you’ll find a hero”

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And I can’t change

I’ve tried hard to tone it down or stop, and drop. But I can’t! That’s not me.

I know balance is important in life and I feel I do have a balanced lifestyle well other than having the weekly hangout session with friends or a fully day off to relax. But extracurriculars are my life. And as life is technically supposed to become more focused, I realize that for me I know what I’m passionate about but I can’t limit myself to just one category. I’m passionate about education and empowerment! YES! But I also care about health care and human rights. How can I just ignore the tugging of my heart strings but just letting one go? I can’t. I can’t do it because I’ve tried and it won’t budge. Too many experiences in my life has got me caught on these issues. Whether is be personal health reasons, or the many deaths of family members from cancer, health is something that has impacted me from the moment I was born. Human rights, again impacts my family in terms that I would like to keep private. And education with empowerment, I’ll never be able to let go or bury my personal connections to these passions.

I’m sorry because I know it’s hard to make a difference if one has so many focuses. And it’s even harder because with every passing day, I see it on college admission sites: focus. I am focused. It’s just I’m a bit weird in a way because I love too easily, and love too much.

So if you’re out there and you can’t choose, then don’t beat yourself up over it. Definitely try to let go, and do please if your life is getting out of balance. But if you can live healthily and happily with how you are now, please don’t change ❤

Reintegrating into Canada ( Nicaragua 2015)

Reintegration:

As I’m sitting on the plane back to Vancouver, I can’t help but feel a sense of disappointment. Disappointment in the society I currently live in and the way we spend money. The way I spend money, the way I live. The fact that even though I won my electronic devices from contess or competitions doesn’t justify my life style. I am changed and I can’t ever live my life without having flashes of the face’s from the El Trapiche community and their lifestyles. I can’t stop thinking about the entirety of my life everywhere I go. I see so many people who live comfortable lifestyles. The thousands of people I pass by in the airport, the mall, restaurants, libraries, and on the road. All these people have the luxury to satisfy their needs, wants, and desires by acquiring entertainment, vehicles, advanced education, and unnecessary appliances or materials for their daily lives. How many affluent people are there in the world? I know there aren’t many, no matter how many masses of people I see each and every day, it’s no feat compared to the millions without access to clean water, food security, financial stability, health sanitation, education, or human rights. Just the fact that North America has only 10% of the world’s population but has twice to three times the amount of food, health resources, and wealth than many of the world’s continents makes me sick. Places like Africa, has 75% of the world’s affected people with HIV/AIDs, uses 3-4% of the world’s health and food resources, and most sickening only 1% of the world’s wealth. The list could go on with the absolutely disgusting distribution of the world’s wealth and resources; the rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting even more neglected.

Even though I am re-energized by seeing the suffering of the people I have tried so desperately to help the past few years become a little alleviated, I am ashamed to say that I will never know what they go through until I experience exactly what they’ve gone through. There are feelings of despair when one is not able to support their family because the weather failed to cooperate despite the year round toiling in the sun. There are feelings of helplessness when one’s mother is pregnant but they have to watch her suffer because they can do nothing to help her get access to the proper health care. There are feelings of exhaustion when all one wants to do is to break out of the cycle of poverty by bettering the future with education but after long days of working in the heat for their family and then needing to walk 10km through a dangerous cliff just to get to school is impossible. Then there are feelings of thirst for water yet not having any so one goes without water for days until the days there are water, it is not sanitary… but does one drink to die or die of thirst?

All these raw feelings were described to me by members of the El Trapiche community I had the wonderful privilege to visit. I am blessed to go back home and start taking even more action but I have an aching heart to leave this amazing community and country. The people who have so little are the people with the biggest hearts. The adults, teenagers, and children that I met welcomed me with warm hearts, bright smiles, and their willingness to share their stories. I have never felt so loved and appreciated by strangers. These strangers who in such a short period of time have become my family. They have such humble hearts, resilient courage, and noteworthy determination that will forever inspire me. Even though we couldn’t carry a conversation more than a few sentences, our hearts spoke the words that were the most important and that was love.

Love speaks volumes and if it’s anything I learned from my role models is that it doesn’t matter how much you give, it’s how much love you put into giving.

I went into El Trapiche with the thought that I was going to “help” with building a school. Even though I spent many gruelling hours in scorching heat pick-axing, carrying buckets of dirt, shovelling, making cement, and piling bricks, I wasn’t just building a school, I was building sometime much bigger than that. I built on the foundations of what I believed in. I wasn’t helping these people, instead when they thanked me all I wanted to say was that they couldn’t even comprehend how much they were impacting me and not the other way around. They were the ones who taught me what humility, humbleness and love really mean.

I have the responsibility to do what’s right once I know what is wrong… we all have that responsibility.

“When we use our intelligence and knowledge to serve people, humanity has hope. We are the hope, we are the future.”