It’s been a long time since I’ve last posted and I must apologize for that. I’ve recently been doing some thinking. Writing for me has mostly been very emotional where when I feel something, I must pour it out through words. Lately, I have been feeling a lot of different emotions like sadness because I will soon be moving across the country for university and leaving my city (Vancouver is the best)! I’ll be saying goodbye to my family, my friends, and all my childhood memories… However, recently I’ve been relaxing a lot and not burrowing my head in prep books for the upcoming year (which I think I might regret soon, so I will be doing that asap in August)! But long story short, I’ve been having a writer’s block. I can’t seem to come up with anything to write about that I haven’t written about before so what I’ve decided to do is reiterate some thoughts and also polish my previous posts with more in depth contemplations that have arisen now that I’m a recently turned adult (yes I’m 18 now sadly).

*This summer I’ve decided to experience or try things I have not done before (even though they aren’t super outrageous, I have learned a few things and I want to share them with you:

1. I watched one korean drama now I’m not addicted to the drama but I thought I should try one out before university starts and I’m glad to say I can keep it to one. Finishing the drama, I learned more about happiness. Now to me joy and happiness are different things. Joy is more eternal than external. Happiness is more evanescent.  So clearing that up, now onto happiness: For happiness to occur, there must be sacrifice. I’ve realized that in order for happy endings to occur for others, one has to give up something meaningful in order to create meaning for those around them. There is not such thing as happiness for everyone: everyone can be happy but that’s because of one person’s willingness to sacrifice through their infinite love so that others’ happiness will eventually become their own. They have forsaken what they want to give other’s what they really need.

There are so many examples in my life where this has occurred but most currently when doing research on the better allocation of resources in developing countries, I saw plenty of case studies with people who had this characteristic. They all put others’ needs above their own and were willing to sacrifice a life of luxury to help those really in need. On a smaller context, in my life I know that when my parent’s left their reputable jobs in China to move to Canada. It’s a given that they didn’t want to work three jobs and study again at a Canadian institution. But they gave up a beautiful, wonderful life to come to Canada in the beginning to work labour jobs because they wanted to give me a better future. This drama really highlighted the cost of happiness in my life and the sacrifices many have made for me in order that I can be happy.

2. Another thing that I have committed to is doing hikes in places on my BC bucket list before I move to Ontario where there are no mountains ( I am very sad about that as I love mountains). I’ve hiked the Stawamus Chief in Squamish, Lynn Valley Loop in North Vancouver, Quarry Rock in North Vancouver, and will be conquering the Grouse Grind at Grouse Mountain soon as well as hopefully climbing Cypress Mountain. Now I’ve come to realize that I really do love hiking and it’s not just because of the mountains or beautiful scenery (well most of it is anyways), but it’s the struggle that is so worth it at the end. I often times do challenging hikes to remind myself that to achieve anything beautiful or worth experiencing, it takes time, effort, and a lot of mental strength. I’m by no means super athletic, so there are times when I wanted to stop going because I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. But when I reached the top, I am appreciative that I had the courage to keep going. It’s both a literal journey but more a metaphorical re-iteration of the climb in life when I hike.

3. I must admit that it is true that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. There are days when I feel terrible about myself and pit the world against myself. And the thing is, is that I’ve realized that there are a lot of people who care about me.  With a lot of quiet time to now read all the books I want to and hang out with my friends instead of memorizing derivatives or integrals, I see all the things people have done for me. I guess why I’m saying this is because we often times feel like we give so much in our relationships. And it’s difficult to see what other’s do for us even when we feel they don’t care. During my toughest times this year, I will not forget the time others spent into making sure I was okay both physically and emotionally. When those who wrote me cards, baked goods, or prayed for me after I got out of the hospital, I didn’t see their efforts in whole at first because I was so set on getting better. But now when I reflect, I see all the small things that people have done for me and I cannot thank them enough. People do care and sometimes it’s hard to see but they really do ❤

*As I start packing for my trip back to China to visit my grandparents, I will be continuing this blog if I’m not blocked from the server! Have an amazing summer and thanks for the continual support, it is greatly appreciated.*