Layer upon layer

Brick upon brick

You can see though my smile

To pain underneath

However you’re still too far

To reach my aching heart

It’s sunken into the pits of my stomach

Slowly being eaten away

By all the acid I’m suffocating in

I open my mouth

To explain and words do come out

But what’s the point of speaking If no one cares to listen

Or when even the ones you thought you loved the most

Turn against you?

It’s the equivalent of being

Stabbed in the back

I’ve considered much too many times

of taking my own life

But eventually going against it

Afraid of the consequences

But still wondering

If anyone would notice

Anyone at all!

Know that you’re gone?

or would they go on with their lives?

Just like they do

Each

and everyday

Not caring to knock

On that bolted door

To my heart

Or hug my layered up me

So deep, choking for help

To melt all those barriers

And finally just rescue me..

Or is it just too much?

I think it is…

Eventually I’ll burst out of the seams

My mental states at it’s zenith

One day I’ll do it

And I won’t be sorry.

© Cecilia Pang 2014