When someone told me that, “Cecilia you can’t get 100%on your english provincial, only ____ can!” That infuriated me deeply and I vowed that I would do the best I could to earn my 100%. So today after writing the provincial exam, I knew I messed up big time. I knew that I wouldn’t be getting the 100% that I had dreamed of and worked so hard for. I realized the obvious two mistakes that I made and I couldn’t stop see the repeated flashbacks of people who mocked me because I tried so hard. And then it hit me when I was home and reading, “The Book Thief.” It doesn’t have anything to do with the book, but I realized that through the whole exam and even before the exam, I wasn’t doing the best for myself. I was trying my hardest for people who did not matter to me. And I regret it. I shouldn’t have tried to prove a point to someone else and pushed myself towards a goal because of someone else.  I should have done it for the right reasons, the reason that I wanted to make the people who I cared about proud, not the people who made fun of me. I realized that maybe through life I care too much about what people think, and it’s sometimes good to improve yourselves for others. But when it gets to an obsessive point, where you do everything for the praise of others, it really does suck. Unfortunately, that’s me. Up until this day, I pleased people because they told me it was the right thing to do.  Even though I didn’t do anything bad, I didn’t live for myself. Other’s possessed my life, and their opinions affected my life, it changed me. I can’t change what others think of me, but I can change how it affects me personally. And the quote rings true, don’t change yourself for anyone else, if you have to change yourself, change it for you. Don’t let anyone take control of your life, take control yourself. If you’re stuck at rock bottom, then start climbing. You’re going to need help, and cushions of support, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to be making choices for you, you’re the one who makes the final decision. It’s up to you.

© Cecilia Pang 2014